Hadiza had sung in the choir for six years, and for the last two she had led the Sunday morning worship at least once a month. She had a clear, strong voice that carried to the back of the hall without a microphone, and people often stopped her after service to say that a particular song had ministered to them. She worked as a nurse at a general hospital in Yaba, and on difficult weeks, rehearsal on Thursday evening was the place she felt most like herself.
One Thursday in October, when the others had packed up and gone, the choir director asked her to stay back. Mrs Ekong was in her sixties, a retired music teacher who had trained choirs in three states. She spoke quietly. She said that Hadiza had come late to the last three rehearsals. She said that on the previous two Sundays Hadiza had been rushing the tempo in the slow songs, so that the band had struggled to follow her and the congregation had been left behind. And she said that when the altos had tried to tell Hadiza about the problem during rehearsal, Hadiza had waved them away.
“You are gifted, my dear,” Mrs Ekong said. “But a worship leader must listen to the people behind her as well as the people in front.”
Hadiza said thank you, and that she would think about it. Then she went home and cried for an hour.
At one in the morning she was still awake, typing a message on her phone. Dear Mrs Ekong, after much prayer I believe it is time for me to step down from the worship team. I thank you for the opportunity. God bless you. Her thumb hovered over the send button. In her mind she could see the whole choir reading it. She could hear what they had been saying about her. Six years, and this was how it ended.
What Hadiza heard that night was not what Mrs Ekong had said. Mrs Ekong had spoken about lateness, tempo and listening. Hadiza heard, You are not good enough. You never were. They have finally seen through you.
Why correction can feel like rejection
Why do some of us react to correction as though our whole worth had been put on trial? A colleague points out an error in a report, and we feel crushed for the rest of the day. A spouse mentions a habit that irritates them, and we respond as though they had questioned our character. A pastor suggests that we have been harsh with someone, and we start looking for another church.
Very often the root is this: worth and performance have become confused. Somewhere along the way, we learned that we were loved when we did well and rejected when we did badly. Perhaps it was a parent who only praised first position, or a school where failure meant public humiliation, or a church culture where gifted people were celebrated and struggling people were quietly ignored. Whatever the source, we absorbed the idea that what we do and who we are are the same thing. So when someone corrects what we did, we hear them condemning who we are.
The gospel separates these two things. Your worth before God was settled at the cross. Paul says that God “hath made us accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6). Accepted. Not on probation. Not provisionally approved pending good behaviour. “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Your standing rests on Christ’s performance, not on yours.
That truth does not make correction unnecessary. It makes correction survivable. A believer who knows that his acceptance is secure can afford to hear that he has made a mistake. The correction touches his conduct, but it cannot touch his place in the Father’s house. On the other hand, a believer who is still trying to earn acceptance will find every correction terrifying, because every correction seems to threaten the very thing he is working so hard to keep.
The Gospels give us a moving picture of this. At Caesarea Philippi, Peter confessed that Jesus was the Christ, and only moments later he took Jesus aside and rebuked Him for speaking about the cross. Jesus’ answer was the sharpest correction any disciple ever received: “Get thee behind me, Satan” (Matthew 16:23). If anyone had reason to pack his bag, it was Peter. Yet Matthew records what happened next: “after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart” (Matthew 17:1). Within a week of the rebuke, Peter was on the Mount of Transfiguration, one of only three disciples chosen to see the glory of Christ. The correction had been severe, and it had been completely necessary. But it had not removed Peter from the inner circle. Jesus corrected him as one who belonged.
PunchlineIf you find that correction makes you feel worthless, rejected or exposed, it may be worth asking whether you have fully received the acceptance Christ has already given you.
The person who hates reproof
The book of Proverbs is blunt about this subject. It does not soften its language:
Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish.
Brutish is a strong word. The Hebrew describes someone stupid in the way an animal is stupid, without reason or understanding. Solomon is saying that the person who refuses correction is behaving like cattle, which cannot learn from their mistakes and keep walking into the same ditch.
Notice the connection the verse draws. “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge.” You cannot love learning while hating correction, because correction is one of the main ways learning happens. Every skilled craftsman, every good doctor and every wise elder became what they are partly by being told, many times, that they had done something wrong. The person who cannot bear to hear “That is not right” will never become very good at anything.
Proverbs returns to this again:
The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.
“The reproof of life.” Correction is presented here as something that gives life. The ear that hears it “abideth among the wise,” as though receiving correction were a door into the company of wise people. And then the sobering statement: “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul.” When we refuse correction, we think we are protecting ourselves. Solomon says we are actually harming ourselves. We are choosing to stay as we are, with all our blind spots, rather than grow.
Elsewhere Proverbs offers a simple test: “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee” (Proverbs 9:8). The difference between a scorner and a wise man is not that one makes mistakes and the other does not. Both make mistakes. The difference is what happens when someone points them out.
The spirit of restoration
Paul gives us a picture of what loving correction should look like among believers:
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
“If a man be overtaken in a fault.” The picture is of someone caught, overtaken, perhaps surprised by a sin or a mistake. Paul is not describing a hardened rebel. He is describing an ordinary believer who has stumbled.
“Ye which are spiritual, restore such an one.” The word restore is the same word used in the Gospels for mending fishing nets. It was also used by physicians for setting a broken bone. The aim of correction is to make whole again, to bring someone back to usefulness. It is not to punish, humiliate or score points.
“In the spirit of meekness.” Meekness is not weakness. It is strength under control, gentleness that flows from humility. The one who corrects is not to come with a raised voice and a pointing finger.
Nugget“Considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” The person who corrects must remember that he, too, is capable of falling. That awareness keeps correction humble.
This verse is mainly addressed to those who do the correcting. But it also helps those of us who receive correction. It shows us what God intends correction to be: an act of restoration, done gently, by people who know their own weakness. When correction comes to us in this spirit, it is a gift from God, and we should receive it as such. And when correction comes in a very different spirit, harsh, contemptuous, controlling, we have a standard against which to measure it. We will come back to that.
Notice too that Paul follows this immediately with “Bear ye one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). Correction among believers belongs inside a relationship of care. It is one of the ways we carry each other.
Scripture that reproves and corrects
Behind all human correction stands the correcting work of God Himself, especially through His word. Paul reminded Timothy:
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.
Paul lists four things Scripture is profitable for. Doctrine is teaching, telling us what is true. Reproof means conviction, showing us where we have gone wrong. Correction translates a word meaning to set upright again, to straighten what has become crooked. And instruction in righteousness means training, showing us how to walk rightly from here on.
Notice the movement. Scripture teaches us the truth. It shows us where we have departed from it. It sets us back on our feet. And it trains us to walk well. Reproof and correction are not the whole of what Scripture does, but they are part of it, and they come before training. You cannot be trained in a new way until you have seen that the old way was wrong.
And notice the purpose: “That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.” The word perfect here means complete, fully equipped. God corrects us through His word in order to equip us, not to diminish us. Every correction is aimed at making us more ready for the good works He has prepared for us.
The writer to the Hebrews tells us that the Father’s discipline comes to us precisely because we are His children. He admits that “no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous,” and then adds, “nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Hebrews 12:11). Correction hurts. Hebrews does not pretend otherwise. But the hurt is followed by fruit.
When you read Scripture regularly, you put yourself in the way of God’s correction. You will often find that a passage puts its finger on something in your life. That is not God rejecting you. It is your Father, who loves you, setting you upright.
Correction touches what you have done. It cannot touch whose you are. A son secure in the Father’s love can afford to hear that he has been wrong.
Listen before you defend
The first practical step in receiving correction well is simply to listen. James puts it memorably: “let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).
Swift to hear. When someone corrects us, our instinct is often to be swift to speak. We explain, justify, deflect, or counter-attack. We point out that the other person has faults too. We remind them of all the good things we have done. Before they have finished their sentence, we have prepared our defence. Proverbs warns, “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him” (Proverbs 18:13).
Try a different response. Let the person finish. Ask questions to make sure you understand: “Can you give me an example?” “When did you notice this?” “What would you have wanted me to do differently?” Thank them for telling you, even if what they said was hard to hear. Then take time before you respond fully. You do not have to decide immediately whether they were right.
There is a striking contrast in the story of Israel’s first two kings. When Samuel confronted Saul about his disobedience, Saul’s first response was to insist that he had obeyed, and then to blame the people (1 Samuel 15:20-21). When he finally admitted his sin, his chief concern was his reputation: “I have sinned: yet honour me now, I pray thee, before the elders of my people” (1 Samuel 15:30). He was more worried about how he looked than about what he had done.
When Nathan confronted David about his far more terrible sin with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah, David’s response was very different:
And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the LORD . And Nathan said unto David, The LORD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die.
No excuses. No blaming. No concern for his image. Just “I have sinned against the LORD.” And immediately the word of forgiveness came. Psalm 51 shows us how deeply David felt that moment, and how honestly he brought it to God. Saul’s defensiveness cost him his kingdom. David’s honesty, even after far worse sin, opened the door to mercy and restoration.
Test the truth of the concern
PunchlineListening does not mean automatically accepting everything that is said. Correction can be right, partly right or wrong. The wise response is to test it.
Ask yourself honestly: Is there truth in this? Even if the correction was delivered clumsily or at a bad moment, is the substance accurate? Often the hardest corrections to hear are the truest ones. Sometimes a person who does not like us very much still sees something real about us.
Consider the source. Is this person generally wise? Do they have my good at heart? Have they seen enough to make this judgement? Have others said similar things? If three different people have independently told you that you interrupt people in meetings, it is probably true.
Bring it before God. David prayed, “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23). Ask the Lord to show you whether the correction is true, and to give you the humility to accept it if it is. Read the relevant Scriptures. Talk to a trusted friend who will be honest with you rather than simply taking your side.
The psalmist had learned to value correction from the righteous so much that he could pray for it:
Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.
“Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness.” To be corrected by a good person, he says, is like precious oil poured on the head. It does not break him. It heals him. Proverbs adds, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). A friend who loves you enough to risk your displeasure is a treasure.
Make a concrete change
When you have tested a correction and found it true, the next step is to do something about it. John the Baptist told those who came to him, “Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance” (Matthew 3:8). Repentance that never changes anything is incomplete.
Be specific. If you have been told that you are often late, decide what time you will leave the house and set an alarm. If you have been told that you speak harshly to your children, decide what you will do when you feel anger rising, and ask God for grace in that moment. If you have been told that you dominate conversations, practise asking questions and waiting for answers.
Moses gives us a fine example. He had led Israel out of Egypt and seen the Red Sea divide. He spoke with God face to face. Yet when his father-in-law Jethro watched him judging the people from morning until evening, Jethro said bluntly, “The thing that thou doest is not good” (Exodus 18:17), and warned that Moses would wear himself out. Jethro was a Midianite priest, an outsider, a family member rather than a spiritual superior. Moses could easily have dismissed him. Instead, Scripture records, “Moses hearkened to the voice of his father in law, and did all that he had said” (Exodus 18:24). He appointed capable men to share the work, and the whole nation benefited. Correction may come from unexpected people: a spouse, a junior colleague, a teenager, a neighbour. The question is not their rank. It is whether what they have said is true, and whether we will act on it.
If appropriate, go back to the person who corrected you. Thank them. Tell them what you are doing about it. Ask them to tell you if they see the problem again. This turns a painful moment into an ongoing relationship of trust, and it often deepens the friendship.
And extend yourself grace in the process. Change takes time. You may slip back into the old habit. That is not proof that you have failed or that the correction was useless. It is part of learning. The Spirit who convicted you is also the Spirit who empowers you to change.
When criticism is harsh or controlling
Everything I have said so far assumes that correction is offered in the spirit Paul describes in Galatians 6:1. But not all correction is like that. Some criticism is harsh, manipulative or controlling, and receiving it as though it were loving correction can do real harm.
Peter, writing to church elders, describes the spirit in which spiritual oversight is to be exercised:
Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof , not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.
“Neither as being lords over God’s heritage.” Leaders are not to dominate, to treat the people of God as their property. They are to be examples, leading by the way they live. That gives us a standard.
Loving correction is usually specific, private in the first instance (Matthew 18:15), aimed at your good, open to your response and consistent with Scripture. It addresses behaviour, not your fundamental worth. It is willing to be questioned. And it comes from someone who also accepts correction themselves.
Abusive control looks different. It is often vague: “You have a bad spirit,” with no clear explanation. It humiliates, perhaps in public. It demands unquestioning obedience and treats every question as rebellion. It threatens curses, spiritual consequences or exclusion if you disagree. It isolates you from others who might give you a different perspective. It is often more concerned with protecting the leader’s image or authority than with your restoration. It may extend to your money, your marriage, your movements or your private life in ways Scripture never authorises.
Jesus Himself did not accept unjust treatment as though it were correction. When an officer struck Him during His trial, He said, “If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil: but if well, why smitest thou me?” (John 18:23). He asked for evidence. He named the injustice. Paul publicly confronted Peter when Peter was wrong (Galatians 2:11-14), which shows that even respected leaders are subject to correction.
So if you are being subjected to harsh, manipulative or controlling criticism, you do not have to accept it as God’s voice. You may need to set boundaries, seek counsel from wise believers outside the situation, or leave a community that has become harmful. If there is any form of abuse, whether emotional, spiritual, physical or sexual, in a church, a workplace or a home, please seek safety first and contact the appropriate authorities and qualified help. Submission and humility never require you to endure abuse.
At the same time, be careful not to use this category to dismiss every correction that stings. Most correction will be offered imperfectly by imperfect people. That does not make it abusive. The question is whether there is truth in it and whether the overall spirit is one of care. Test it honestly, as we described above.
Hadiza did not send the message. Somewhere around half past one she put the phone face down on the bedside table and prayed a short, angry, honest prayer. In the morning, after her shift, she read Galatians 6 and Proverbs 12. She did not like them very much that day.
At the next rehearsal she arrived fifteen minutes early. She asked Mrs Ekong whether they could talk for a few minutes, and she asked her to explain again, more slowly, what she had noticed. This time Hadiza listened. She asked which songs had been rushed. She asked the altos what they had been trying to tell her.
It was all true. The lateness was because she had been leaving the hospital at the end of her shift without allowing for traffic on the Third Mainland Bridge. The rushing was nerves. She had been leading as though she needed to prove something, and her anxiety had pushed the tempo forward. And she had waved the altos away because she had felt criticised in front of others.
She made three changes. She asked her ward manager whether she could adjust her Thursday shift by half an hour, which was granted. She started practising the slow songs at home with a metronome on her phone. And she asked one of the altos to signal to her during worship if the tempo was drifting.
There was one other thing. A member of the choir had told a friend that Hadiza was proud and needed to be “brought down.” When Hadiza heard about it, she was hurt all over again. But she brought it to God and to Mrs Ekong, and in the end she concluded that the remark had more to do with gossip than with truth. She set it aside, and she did not let it undo what she had learned.
A year later, Mrs Ekong asked Hadiza to help train the younger singers. The first time Hadiza had to tell one of them that she was coming in too early, she remembered the night with the phone in her hand. She asked the girl to stay back after rehearsal, and she spoke quietly.
Correction is not rejection. When it is true, it is a gift. Listen before you defend yourself. Test what you hear. Make the change. And rest in the acceptance that no correction can ever take away.
Teaching Companion
For Reflection
- When you are corrected, what do you most often feel: shame, anger, fear, or gratitude? What might that reveal about where you are placing your worth?
- Think of a time when you resisted correction that later proved to be true. What did it cost you?
- How does the contrast between Saul’s and David’s responses to correction speak to you?
- What would it look like for you to be “swift to hear” the next time someone points out a fault?
- Can you distinguish between loving correction and controlling criticism in your own experience? Are there situations where you need to seek help or set boundaries?
This Week
This week, think of one correction you have received in the past year that you did not fully accept. Take it before God and test it honestly: is there truth in it? If there is, write down one specific change you will make and begin it this week. If appropriate, go back to the person who offered the correction, thank them, and tell them what you are doing. If you are the one who needs to correct someone, read Galatians 6:1 before you speak and ask God to give you the spirit of meekness.
A Prayer
Father, thank You that You have accepted me in Your beloved Son, and that no correction can ever remove me from Your love. Forgive me for the times I have resisted correction, defended myself too quickly, or treated faithful friends as enemies. Give me an ear that hears the reproof of life. Teach me to listen before I speak, to test what I hear honestly, and to make real changes when correction is true. Give me discernment to recognise harsh or controlling criticism, and courage to seek help when I need it. And when I must correct others, let me do it gently, in the spirit of restoration. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Truth received brings freedom. Truth believed establishes the heart.
Scripture quotations are from the King James Version. · Illustrations using first names only are composites unless stated otherwise.