Osagie had built his logistics business in Ikeja from one rented van. Eleven years of early mornings, late payments from clients, police checkpoints, tyre bursts on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway and nights spent reconciling accounts at the dining table while his family slept. By the time I knew him, he had six trucks, a warehouse in Ogba and a reputation for delivering on time.
He had also just lost a great deal of money.
The man who took it had joined Osagie’s church fellowship about a year earlier. He was warm, quick to laugh and very visible: first to volunteer for the vigil, first to pray when the leader asked for a volunteer, and he prayed beautifully, with Scripture flowing out of him. When Osagie mentioned that his accountant was relocating to Canada, the young man said he had studied accounting and was looking for work. Osagie was delighted. Within three weeks of hiring him, he had handed over the token for the company’s bank account, the password to the payroll system and the keys to the office safe.
Seven months later the auditors found that close to nineteen million naira had gone. Some of it had been paid to companies that did not exist. Some had been withdrawn in cash. The young man had stopped coming to fellowship two weeks before the discovery and could not be reached on any of his numbers.
When Osagie told me the story, his sharpest anger was aimed at himself. “Pastor, I would never give a stranger from the street my token in three weeks. Why did I give it to him? Because he prayed well? Because he called me ‘Daddy’? I thought trusting him was the Christian thing to do.”
That question deserves a careful answer, because many believers carry the same confusion.
Love and trust are different things
Christians are commanded to love everyone. We are to love our neighbours as ourselves, love our brothers and sisters in Christ, even love our enemies. That command has no exceptions. But we are nowhere commanded to trust everyone equally. Love and trust are related, and they often grow together, but they are different things.
Love is a commitment to seek another person’s good. It can be given freely and immediately, because it rests on God’s love for us and on the worth He has placed on every human being. You can love someone you have just met. You can love someone who has hurt you badly.
Trust is different. Trust is a judgement about whether a person can be relied on in a particular area. It answers the question: if I place this in your hands, will it be safe? That judgement should be based on evidence, and evidence takes time to gather.
The simplest way to see the difference is to notice that we already make this distinction in many areas without thinking about it. A mother may love her sixteen-year-old son deeply and still not give him the car keys until he has learnt to drive. A church may love a new member warmly and still not make her treasurer in her first month. Nobody thinks the mother is unloving or the church is cold. Everyone understands that love and readiness for responsibility are different matters.
Somehow, when it comes to fellow believers, we sometimes forget this. We feel that withholding trust is a kind of judgement, that it suggests we doubt their salvation or their sincerity. So we hand over far more than we should, far sooner than we should, and we call it faith.
Paul’s famous description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 includes the phrase that love “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Some read “believeth all things” as a command to be credulous, to accept every claim at face value. But that cannot be what Paul means, because elsewhere he warns repeatedly against false teachers and deceitful workers. The phrase describes love’s disposition: it is ready to think the best, slow to assume the worst, eager to give the benefit of the doubt. That is a beautiful quality. It is not the same thing as handing someone your bank token.
The simple and the prudent
The book of Proverbs puts this with typical directness:
The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.
“The simple believeth every word.” The Hebrew word translated simple describes a person who is open in a naive sense, easily persuaded, inexperienced. It does not mean unintelligent. Highly educated people can be simple in this sense. Osagie was a sharp businessman, but in this one area he had been simple, because he believed every word the young man said about himself without checking any of it.
“But the prudent man looketh well to his going.” The prudent person watches where he is stepping. He considers before he moves. He looks at the path ahead and asks where it leads. In the matter of trust, the prudent person pays attention to evidence. He looks at what a person has done as well as what they say. He notices whether words and actions match over time.
What might looking well to his going have meant for Osagie? It would have meant checking the young man’s references with previous employers. It would have meant asking for his professional certificates. It would have meant giving him limited access at first, perhaps preparing reports without the power to approve payments. It would have meant having a second signatory on large transfers. None of this would have been unloving. All of it would have been prudent, and much of it would have protected the young man from his own temptation as well.
One particular trap deserves mention here, because it caught Osagie and it catches many believers. Spiritual language can create a feeling of trust that has never been earned. A person who prays fluently, quotes Scripture easily and uses all the right phrases sounds like someone we already know. We relax. We skip the questions we would ask anyone else. Yet fluency in prayer tells you very little about honesty with money. Many genuinely godly people pray haltingly, and some dishonest people have learnt that a spiritual vocabulary opens doors that a CV never could. The same caution applies to anyone who claims a prophetic word that you must give them money, sign a document or hand over a property. A true word from God will bear testing, and the person who brings it will not resent being tested. Scripture itself tells us to “try the spirits whether they are of God” (1 John 4:1).
None of this is cynicism about prayer or prophecy. The point is simply to refuse to let one kind of evidence stand in for another. Judge a person’s handling of money by how they have handled money. Judge their keeping of confidences by how they have kept confidences. Gifts and character are both real, and they are measured by different rulers.
Proverbs returns to this theme often. “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint” (Proverbs 25:19). You only discover a broken tooth when you bite down on something. You only discover a dislocated foot when you put your weight on it. Misplaced trust is the same. It looks fine until the moment you need it, and then it fails you completely.
Jesus did not commit Himself
One of the most striking verses about trust in the whole New Testament comes early in John’s Gospel. Jesus has just been to Jerusalem for the Passover, and His ministry is drawing crowds:
Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day , many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men , And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.
“Many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.” That sounds like success. People were believing. Yet John immediately adds: “But Jesus did not commit himself unto them.”
The Greek here contains a play on words that English translations often miss. The word for believed in verse 23 and the word for commit in verse 24 are the same verb, pisteuō. Many trusted in His name, but Jesus did not trust Himself to them. Their faith was real enough as far as it went, but it was built on excitement about miracles. Jesus did not hand Himself over to that kind of enthusiasm.
Why? “Because he knew all men, And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.” Jesus, as the Son of God, knew what was in every human heart. He knew that crowd enthusiasm could turn quickly. Indeed, the same city that welcomed Him with palm branches would later cry “Crucify him.”
We do not have Jesus’ perfect knowledge of hearts. But that makes the lesson more relevant to us, not less. If the One who could see into every heart still did not commit Himself to people on the strength of a momentary response, how much more should we, who cannot see hearts at all, wait for evidence before we place significant matters in someone’s hands?
Notice what Jesus did not do. He did not reject these people. He did not refuse to teach them or heal them. In the very next chapter, a leader of the Jews named Nicodemus comes to Him at night, and Jesus spends a long conversation explaining the new birth. He gave Himself generously in love and teaching. What He held back was the intimate trust He reserved for those whose faith had proved itself over time.
That is a pattern we can follow. You can welcome everyone warmly. You can serve them, pray for them, love them. But the deeper places of trust, the confidential matters, the significant responsibilities, are given as character is demonstrated.
PunchlineYou may love a person immediately and fully. Trust is different: it is given in measure, as character is shown over time and in proportion to what is being entrusted.
Faithful in little, faithful in much
How, then, is trust built? Jesus gives us the principle in the parable of the unjust steward:
He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much. If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches ? And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?
“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.” Here is the method by which trust grows. It starts small. A person is given a little responsibility, and you watch how they handle it. If they are faithful in that, you give a little more. Over time, a track record forms, and the track record becomes the basis for greater trust.
Notice the reverse principle too: “he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.” Small dishonesty is not a small matter, because it reveals character. The person who pads a small expense claim, who lies about why he was late, who borrows small sums and forgets to return them, is telling you something about how he will handle larger things. Character does not suddenly change when the stakes rise. It simply becomes more visible.
Jesus applies this to money first: “If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?” Money is a testing ground. How someone handles finances often reveals how they will handle other kinds of trust. And then: “if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?” How a person handles what belongs to someone else, an employer’s resources, a friend’s secret, a church’s offering, shows what kind of steward they are.
This principle is the heart of wise trust. You do not have to read minds. You do not have to make dramatic judgements about anyone’s heart. You simply give responsibility in proportion to demonstrated faithfulness, and you increase it as faithfulness is shown.
Paul gave similar counsel to Timothy about appointing church leaders: “Lay hands suddenly on no man” (1 Timothy 5:22). Leadership, he says elsewhere, should not go to a novice (1 Timothy 3:6), and those who serve as deacons should “first be proved” (1 Timothy 3:10). The church in Paul’s day was not to elevate people quickly on the strength of zeal or gifting. Gifts can be real while character is still immature, and putting an immature person into a position of great responsibility can harm both them and those they lead.
Trust takes account of what is at stake
There is a second factor in wise trust alongside demonstrated character: the size of the responsibility involved.
Some things carry very little risk. If a new friend asks to borrow a book, the cost of misplaced trust is small. You might lose a book. Other things carry great risk. Your company’s bank account. Your children’s safety. The secrets someone else has confided to you. Your own deepest wounds. The higher the stakes, the more evidence you should require before extending trust.
This is simply common sense, and Scripture endorses it. When Jesus sent out His disciples, He gave them an instruction and a warning that may surprise some readers:
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues.
“But beware of men.” Jesus did not tell His disciples to assume the best about everyone in every situation. He told them to be alert. The dove represents innocence and gentleness. The serpent represents shrewdness and caution. Jesus wants both. A believer should never be cunning or manipulative. But neither should he be gullible. Innocence without wisdom makes us easy prey. Wisdom without innocence makes us cold and calculating. The disciple of Jesus holds both together.
Consider how this applies to confidential matters. Many believers feel that if someone is a fellow Christian, they are owed access to anything we know. But love does not require instant access to confidential information. A pastor who has been told something in confidence is not unloving when he refuses to share it with a curious church member. A friend who has been entrusted with another friend’s struggle is not cold when she keeps it to herself. Proverbs observes that “he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter” (Proverbs 11:13). Some information belongs only to those who have a genuine responsibility for it.
The same is true of your own confidences. You may love a new acquaintance warmly and still keep your deepest struggles to yourself for now. Call it wisdom about where vulnerable things are safely kept, and do not mistake it for suspicion. Intimacy grows as trust grows, and trust grows as faithfulness is shown.
Child safeguarding is perhaps the clearest example. Every church should have clear procedures about who may work with children, how they are checked and how activities are supervised. Some believers feel these procedures insult good people. They do not. They protect children, and they protect good workers from false accusations. Love for children requires us to be prudent about who has access to them, however warm or spiritual a volunteer may seem.
When trust has been broken
NuggetWhat happens when someone who betrayed your trust repents and wants to be restored? This is one of the most painful questions in the Christian life, and it is often handled badly.
Forgiveness must be given. We will come back to this in other teachings, but it is clear in Scripture: when someone repents, we forgive them. We release them from the debt. We do not take revenge. We do not hold the offence over them.
But forgiveness and restored trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness can be given in a moment, because it rests on God’s forgiveness of us. Trust has to be rebuilt, because it rests on evidence. The person who stole money from your business may be truly forgiven and still not be given access to your accounts again for a long time. The friend who shared your secret may be welcomed back to your table and still not hear your next secret until faithfulness has been shown.
The New Testament gives us a moving example of this process. On Paul’s first missionary journey, a young man named John Mark travelled with him and Barnabas. Partway through the journey, Mark left them and went home. Some time later, when Paul and Barnabas were planning a second journey, this became a serious problem:
And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.
“Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work.” Paul was not willing to trust Mark with the responsibility of a missionary journey, because Mark had already shown that he might leave when things became hard. Barnabas, who was Mark’s relative (Colossians 4:10) and whose name meant “son of consolation,” wanted to give him another chance. The disagreement was so sharp that the two great missionaries separated.
Who was right? Perhaps both, in different ways. Paul was right that Mark had not yet shown he could be relied on for that particular kind of work. Barnabas was right that Mark was worth investing in. And Barnabas took him, giving him the opportunity to prove himself in a setting where the stakes may have been more suitable.
The end of the story is beautiful. Years later, writing his last letter from a Roman prison, Paul says: “Take Mark, and bring him with thee: for he is profitable to me for the ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11). The young man who had once been considered unreliable had become someone Paul specifically asked for. Trust had been rebuilt over time, through faithfulness.
That is often how it works. Restored fellowship may come quickly. Restored responsibility comes more slowly. A church leader who has fallen into serious sin and genuinely repented should be received in love, but the church is not unloving if it waits a significant time and looks for clear evidence of change before giving back a public role. The waiting is an act of prudence rather than punishment, and it protects the restored person as well as the people they would lead.
Trusting God while being careful with people
Some readers may hear all this and feel that it makes them suspicious and guarded, unable to enjoy friendship freely. The goal is wise trust, and wise trust actually makes deeper relationships possible.
When you trust carefully, you can enjoy people more. You are not anxious about being exploited, because you have not handed over more than is wise. You can give people chances, because you give them in proportion to what you have seen. And when someone proves faithful over years, the trust you place in them is solid and joyful, because it has been tested.
The psalmist writes, “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man” (Psalm 118:8). That does not mean we never trust people. It means our ultimate trust rests in God alone. Only He is perfectly faithful. Only He cannot fail. When our deepest confidence is in Him, we are free to trust people as people: carefully, generously, in proportion to their demonstrated character, and without being destroyed when someone fails.
That freedom also protects us from the opposite error. Some who have been badly betrayed decide never to trust anyone again. They become isolated and bitter, and they miss the friendships God wants to give them. The answer to misplaced trust is wiser trust: grounded in evidence, sized to the responsibility and anchored in God.
Practical wisdom for trust
How might this look in everyday life? A few principles may help.
- Watch over time. Character shows itself across months and years, in many situations. One impressive conversation tells you very little.
- Look at actions as well as words. People can say all the right things. Watch what they do, especially when they think no one is watching.
- Start small. Give a little responsibility and see how it is handled before giving more.
- Match the evidence to the stakes. The greater the potential harm, the more evidence you should require.
- Build in accountability. In business, church and family, systems of checks protect everyone, including the trustworthy.
- Listen to people who know them. A person’s reputation among those who have worked with them over time is valuable evidence.
- Pay attention to small dishonesty. It is rarely as small as it seems.
None of these principles is cynical. They are simply what the prudent person does when he “looketh well to his going.”
PunchlineOsagie never recovered most of the nineteen million naira. The case went to the police, and it was still unresolved when I last spoke to him.
But something unexpected happened about two years later. The young man contacted him. He had been arrested in connection with another matter, had spent time in detention and had come to genuine repentance there. He wrote Osagie a long letter, confessing everything in detail, naming the false companies and the amounts. He did not ask for anything. He simply said he was sorry and that he wanted to repay what he could, a little at a time, for as long as it took.
Osagie wrestled with it for weeks. Finally he went to see him. He told the young man that he forgave him, fully, and that he would pray for him. He accepted the small monthly repayments. When the young man was released, Osagie invited him to his home for a meal and introduced him to a pastor who could walk with him.
What he did not do was give him a job in the accounts department. He told me, “I have forgiven him. But I would be a fool to give him the token again.” Instead, after another year, when the repayments had continued faithfully every single month, Osagie offered him work as a delivery assistant on one of the trucks, handling no cash, with clear supervision.
“If he is faithful in that,” Osagie said, “maybe one day we will see. That is between him and God and time.”
That is wisdom. Love was given freely. Forgiveness was given fully. Trust was being rebuilt one faithful month at a time, in proportion to what had been shown. And Osagie, who had once trusted too quickly, had learnt to look well to his going.
Teaching Companion
For Reflection
- Have you ever confused love with trust, either by giving trust too quickly or by withholding love because trust was not yet present?
- In your current relationships, where might you be “simple” in the sense of Proverbs 14:15?
- How does Jesus’ example in John 2:23-25 help you to welcome people warmly while being careful with deeper trust?
- Is there someone who has broken your trust whom you need to forgive, while recognising that trust may take longer to rebuild?
- Where in your work, family or church could clear systems of accountability protect both people and responsibilities?
This Week
Think of one area of responsibility in your life: a business, a ministry role, a family matter or a confidential friendship. Write down who currently has access to it and on what basis that trust was given. Ask yourself whether the trust matches the evidence of character you have actually seen. If you find an area where you have trusted too quickly, take one practical step this week to add appropriate accountability. If you find someone who has proved faithful in small things over a long time, consider whether God may be prompting you to entrust them with more.
A Prayer
Lord Jesus, You loved everyone and yet did not commit Yourself to every passing enthusiasm. Teach me to do the same. Help me to love freely, to forgive fully and to trust wisely. Give me the prudence to look well to my going, to watch character over time and to give responsibility in proportion to faithfulness. Where I have been hurt by misplaced trust, heal me without making me bitter. Where I have broken someone else’s trust, give me the humility to rebuild it patiently. Above all, let my deepest confidence rest in You, who never fails. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Truth received brings freedom. Truth believed establishes the heart.
Scripture quotations are from the King James Version. · Illustrations using first names only are composites unless stated otherwise.